


Move Forward

by archaicacid



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Erwin Week, M/M, OCD and Anxiety, prompt: first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4204185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archaicacid/pseuds/archaicacid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A different sort of first time. (Erwin craves affection.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Move Forward

**Author's Note:**

> a little shorter than some of the others, sorry--and as always, the mostly inevitable ace coded levi

They sleep apart usually, Erwin on his side of the bed and Levi on his own. In the middle of the night, they sometimes meet, one of them throwing an arm or a leg across the other, but it doesn’t last very long. Erwin is usually too afraid to ask for much more.

He tosses and turns that night, opening his eyes to see Levi just a few inches from himself. He could pet down Levi’s cheek, but it could wake him, so Erwin refrains--keeps one hand under his pillow and the other at his side.

It’s taken some time to work up to this, sharing the same space. Erwin would do it all over again, but sometimes he thinks about what their relationship would be like if it was typical (because asking _what if it was normal_ sounds like something’s wrong--it’s not.) Levi has his tics and Erwin knows that, so he never pushes, he lets Levi come to him.

He turns to face the wall instead of Levi’s sleeping face, staring at a spot of paint that looks a little darker than the rest. His eyelids don’t feel heavy anymore, but he at least calms himself down and clears his mind; thinking of work and relationships at this time of night tend to do more harm than good.

The sheets rustle behind him and Erwin lays absolutely still, afraid that he’s woken Levi up when he tends not to get much sleep at all.

“I know you’re awake.” Levi’s voice is thick--it sounds like his throat is scratchy.

Erwin takes in a deep breath and tries to look over his shoulder at Levi. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

They stay silent and their breathing ends up in sync until Levi breaks it by speaking. “Something’s bothering you.”

“It’s nothing.” To Levi, it’s nothing and it _should_ be nothing to Erwin as well because he knows how Levi works.

“Spit it out.”

“You have a way with words.”

“Just fucking answer.” The curse isn’t said with anger--it’s said rather softly, Levi’s voice more tired than before.

“I never ask about touching because I’m afraid you’ll say no.” There’s no sense in trying to phrase it in a way that won’t hurt. Levi prefers blunt, it’s easy to know what someone else means when they just _say it_ , so Erwin follows suit. Out loud it sounds childish, but he doesn’t comment on it further, just turns around to face Levi so they can talk properly.

“But you never ask so you don’t know what I’d say.” When Erwin doesn't respond immediately, he presses on. "All I can do is say no. I can't read your mind, Erwin.

Levi had been incredibly upfront about his OCD and problems that came with it that he almost feels ridiculous for not trusting Levi in return with his own feelings. Holding back always seemed like the best way to go about things--they could focus on Levi first.

There’s anger in Levi’s expression; his frown lines deepen and his nostrils flare. He looks older like this and Erwin wants to smooth out his skin and pet at the wrinkles. He doesn’t of course, he doesn’t move beyond chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Levi has to calm himself before he can speak and when he does, his tone is resigned. “You can ask for things, too.”

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything.”

“You really think I wouldn’t stop you or tell you off?

It’s nearing three in the morning and Erwin wants to go back to the quiet stillness of ten minutes ago, but it’s impossible. He shrugs.

“You know I have good and bad days. Just ask, Erwin. I don’t care what you tell yourself, you really don’t know what’s best for me.”

Erwin sort of feels like a child that’s being admonished, but he takes it. Of course he assumes things about Levi, he makes it a point to know as much as he can about everyone around him and he’ll fill in the missing parts from what he’s observed. Only Levi is harder to piece together.

“Stop overthinking everything.”

Erwin nearly cuts Levi off. “Can I touch you?”

Levi nods slowly and lets Erwin pet at his cheek. Both of their movements are stiff--Levi doesn’t relax into the touch and Erwin just ghosts his fingertips across clammy skin, like he’s afraid Levi will break if he isn’t gentle enough.

Levi finally break the awkward spell. “Turn around.”

Erwin faces the wall again, trying to focus anywhere but the dark spot of paint. He can’t help notice it, at least until Levi’s arm reaches around his chest and dark sparks cloud the corners of his vision. He has to blink to make them disappear.

“This is okay. Just not with,” Levi pauses. “Fuck, not the other way around. It’ll make me feel claustrophobic.” Nervousness bleeds into Levi’s words even though he tries to hide it. His front isn’t flush with Erwin’s back, but Erwin can feel the heat it gives off. He knows not to corner Levi unexpectedly, knows to let him sit in public where he can see his surroundings best, but this one is new. He tries to let the thought go, though, choosing to file it away as a promise to ask Levi instead.

“That’s fine, Levi. Thank you.”

They don’t speak after that and Erwin closes his eyes, trying to fall back asleep.

When he wakes up again, it’s because of something solid against him. He’s not sure if Levi’s awake or if he’s moved closer in his sleep, but Erwin doesn’t question him--he’ll ask in the morning.


End file.
